I tend to pay close attention to the patterns in life, as if the universe is trying to reach out and say that the coincidences around me are actually things I should be paying attention to and really thinking about.  Sadly, the coincidences of late are about death and dying.  Starting with weekend before last when I visited the cemetery with my Dad to visit his recently passed Godmother's grave.  Oddly enough I really enjoy trips to the cemetery because I look at all the tons and tons of different names and birth dates and death dates and wonder about the lives all these people had.  This particular cemetery is pretty old and the family plot was purchased back in the 1950s, so the people laid to rest in the surrounding plots all died in the 1940-60s.  The cemetery probably hasn't changed much since then, but can you imagine how different Albuquerque was?  Going to this Cemetery is interesting to me, but I have been avoiding the cemetery across the street because one of my friends is buried there and it is completely different when you knew someone very personally and they aren't a random name.  I've been really meaning to go over and visit, but it's easier said than done.

This last weekend, the father of one of my close friends from high school died of a sudden heart attack while he was visiting her in OKC.  Her wedding is in three weeks.  It's so heart breaking I can't believe it.  I just keep thinking about him and how young he was and it just can't be true.  When it's someone you know, it really hits home and makes me worry about my own parents passing away and how life isn't at all as permanent as I've always thought it was.  It's hard to imagine that your own body can turn on you like that, in a moments notice.  Anything can happen at any time.  It also gets me thinking about Dave and how we are getting married and naturally we think about our first house and kids, but never really think that one day, one of us will be a widow.  I know it's morbid to think about, but it's so true and really really really makes me appreciate every moment with the people I love.  I usually take it for granted that my parents will be at my wedding and will meet their grand kids, but you really just never know.  Before I was secretly hoping that David's Dad wouldn't bother coming to our wedding (he has a pessimistic disposition), but now I'm ashamed for thinking that. 

I've been a ball of tears the past few days and really can't imagine the devastation that my friend and her family are feeling.  I feel so torn up that I can't do anything to help or to ease the sadness for them.  I might try to venture out to OK for the funeral later this week just because I feel like I need to do something other than sit around while she is going through this terrible time, time that should have been for wedding day jitters.

And to top it off, when I left work last night, I hit a bunny rabbit with my car.  I felt that like was definitely a sign.  In four years of driving that road at night, no bunnies have ever propelled themselves into my car.  Is the universe saying that death is natural? or that I should slow down?  It's probably way to soon to take a lesson from the present situation, for now I really just need to be with my friend.